MY FIRST CALLING
Sprinkle her with fairy dust,
My Mama used to say to me. A phrase I came to understand through the mind of a child as my mantra for protection. I was born with a debilitating and irrational fear of selective people which led me to an early path of self-discovery as my hand was taken and held across many child psychologists to begin piecing the puzzle towards any indication of logic which lay behind these paralyzing perceptions. I felt to be a child of lightness, happiness and energy, with an unequivocal love for beauty and fantasy, yet I remember this one little impediment to appear as a displaced shadowing paradox in my sunshine life. And so my first creative healing process began; through the form of art, music and dance at the age of 3. A safe space I quickly came to understand I could bring myself to and transform any buried energy into an artistically expressive and aesthetic product. The question within and around me was still, “how could a little girl who knows pure joy and love be suffocated by the mere distant glance of another human?” Soleira Green, medium, visionary and author, gave my parents the most hopeful answer they could hold onto to shape my healing.
And with these words planted...
"Carmen isn’t afraid of these people for reasons they could harm or hurt her. Each one of these individuals has a deep rational fear of their own which Carmen can sense from a distance – yet as their fear is not her own, she has no rational explanation to what it may be. Through her frequential sensitivity, she has the ability to empathize on a far deeper level which scares hers. She cannot differentiate between her own fear and that of others. Fundamentally, she picks up on the voids in their souls which she doesn’t like. She has a fear of their “unwholeness” and simply needs the tools to make them feel “whole” again."
She said to my Mama,
"Use Carmen’s enchantment with the subtle world of fairies to heal herself by believing she can heal others to their “wholeness.” Invite her to understand that there is a difference between those fears which belong to her and those which are embodied by others. When she has no explanation to her own, allow her to take out her wand and sprinkle her healing fairy dust on the person she believes needs this healing. Through the simple act of positive thought, allow her to believe she can spark their mindful process to wholeness."
And with this magical offering my child-self embodied over the next 4 years, I healed as I learned to let go of attachment to fear and transform this harassing current of energy into a charge that,
I believed I could share in the healing of collective consciousness.
MY SECOND CALLING
Dancing to wholeness
Dancing was the expression of movement I continued to hold onto and subconsciously submerse myself into to maintain my “wholeness” throughout my teens. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I made the connection between artistic movement and sustainable positive emotion. I decrypted that dance was fundamentally my biological conditioning to hold my stable state of happiness.
MY THIRD CALLING
Yoga to wholeness
Through the compromise of movement as I transitioned into college chapter, the energetical byproduct of my hypersensitivity re-defined perfectionism had lost its’ expressive channel. This was the beginning to what I now celebrate as my greatest gift and teacher in this incarnation.
At the base of a downward spiral into the depth of wonderland is where I met anorexia, her trauma and adrenal fatigue. Yet, above all, my absolute knowing of light never clouded. In this star-ray, I found the energy to fuel my own craving for self-inquiry in a hunger for realignment. I physically felt the prospect of my mind’s subtle conditioning to an anxiety-free blissful state-of-being. It was this vision which sparkled in my belly and stubbornly drove me away from the traditional medical help which attempted to capture me and dominate a path I knew was not a part of my story. It was from this inner thirst for happiness and wholeness that I rediscovered the truest healing powers of movement; yet this time through Yoga.
In my calling to the return back to my ancestral roots in Goa India, I was welcomed by a unifying celebration that married me back to my soul. It was in this re-remembering that the toxicity of my mind was made tonic, and here began the acceleration of a life lived in biological healing. It was this experience of alchemy; metamorphosing toxic thoughts to tonic thoughts within the body’s witnessing of conscious movement and breath, that I had the opportunity to come eye to eye with my Dharma. To remind human souls of their innate wholeness, to hold space for remembering, to guide bodies to move into expansion again and feel the secrets they hold in spaciousness. For it is in maintaining the sacred space of the void that the divine can communicate.
In the words of this goddess whom I honour, Meghan Currie, “this career asked her to be alive, constantly intuiting the highest truth, the deepest narrative, the most integral way she could be of service in the world. It taught her that [imperfections are merely a subjectively deluded state of mind,] that there are no mistakes, that each of our storylines are structured to give us the highest education – a unique, genius script…” A script that when chosen to be listened to, rewards each of us with mooncrumbs to our purpose, the byproduct of which becomes untainted happiness and wholeness in absolute truth.
MY FOURTH CALLING
Health coaching to wholeness
The Yogic flame was ignited and slow burning. Kundalini was rising, energizing and cradling. I felt empowered to take my nutritional healing into my own hands. Already living a plant-based, cruelty free lifestyle from the age of 8, my conscious place of food elevated to my healing art. A channel I appreciated for feeding my body back to vitality with enhanced pranic value. I thrived on my aesthetic nature to create meals which were designed to be a metasensory experience, as a rainbow of micronutrients to not only heal biology through taste, but through the eye. Nutritional knowledge absorbed all of me. Coupled with my remedying practice of Yoga, I was guided to my alma mater, the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. An educational formality I felt called to, to both solidify the transformation I had already lived, and challenge the thresholds of my healing’s potential. This would too now equip me with the nourishing knowledge and tools to self-experiment – and from this embodied space, inspire an equal opportunity for women to find a reignited relationship with their consciousness, to sync with their inner rhythms and accelerate their choice of self-healing to find their way back to their highest selves of wholeness.
And so my story is told. From once upon a time a little girl with a fear of unwholeness, I found my purpose in the world to inspire others to seek the light of bio-individually re-remembering a life of healing in wholeness.
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Healing to wholeness is a controllable choice. Once you embody this as knowledge, you become the alchemist of your human experience. All you need then is a little golden fairy dust now and then to remedy your life to the epitome of your rightful untainted happiness.
Love and wholeness
C A R M E N